


Sleep Well Tonight (don't come crying)

by shinywords



Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Childhood Friends, Angst, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Angst with a Happy Ending, Fluff and Angst, Friends to Lovers, M/M, its not even that angsty i promise, who am i i never write angst what is this
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-04-26
Updated: 2016-04-26
Packaged: 2018-06-04 16:01:51
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,488
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6665104
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/shinywords/pseuds/shinywords
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Baekhyun has nightmares and Chanyeol finds a way to deal with them. Kind of.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Sleep Well Tonight (don't come crying)

They've been living together for three years now - six if you count the time they spent as college roommates - and they've been best friends ever since kindergarten. The apartment they're sharing isn't anything fancy, but it's reasonably big, with a room to their own for each of them, a living room-slash-kitchen area and a bathroom with a bathtub and a window. Baekhyun is responsible for cooking and doing the laundry while Chanyeol takes care of the dishes and the vacuum cleaner. Although lately Chanyeol has been taking on more and more of the household chores, Baekhyun often being too tired or too irritated to do them. Chanyeol doesn't blame him though, he's worried. He knows that Baekhyun has been having nightmares lately, and he wants to help, but Baekhyun doesn't talk about them and Chanyeol doesn't know what to do. So he does everything he can to at least relieve some of the stress so Baekhyun can focus on resting and feeling better. He isn't sure it's working though. Baekhyun seems to have turned into a more tired version of himself, never taking his troubles out on Chanyeol, but leaning on him more than his pride would allow him under normal circumstances, and doing everything with a layer of exhaustion holding him down. So Chanyeol worries. And takes care of his best friend as best as he can.  
Nothing could've prepared him though for the event that takes place a couple nights later, one that would turn into a nightly occurrence soon enough.  
The first time it happens, Chanyeol is entirely overwhelmed. He is dragged out of his sleep by the constant sound of a clumsy knock on his door and Baekhyun's voice meekly calling his name. He stumbles out of bed still halfway in dreamland and groggily opens the door. The next moment however he is wide awake when Baekhyun presses his face into his chest, hands balling into fists at the back of his shirt. Baekhyun is shaking and Chanyeol stands frozen in his spot. Only when Baekhyun whimpers lowly into his chest is Chanyeol shaken out of his state of shock. He brings his arms up to Baekhyun's back, rubbing soothing circles into his shoulder blades and holding him close.   
"Baek," he mumbles, voice soft and full of worry. "Baek, what's wrong?"  
"Nightmare," comes the choked reply. "I'm having so many lately and I just-" His grip on Chanyeol's shirt tightens. His breath hitches and his voice sounds so heartbreakingly weak and defeated when he whispers "Please don't leave me alone." Chanyeol can't stand it.   
"Of course not," he breathes, tightening his arms around Baekhyun and pulling him closer against his chest. "I'm right here. Baek. Okay? I'm not leaving you."  
The reply is wordless this time, Baekhyun just buries his face into Chanyeol's chest and presses himself a tiny bit closer and then, and then-  
It takes Chanyeol a moment to realise what's happening. And when he does realise, his heart skips a beat and he freezes. "Baek," he says, alarmed, but Baekhyun doesn't react. "Baek," he tries again, louder this time, and he begins to panic a little bit. Baekhyun isn't paying attention to him. He is busy pressing his lips to Chanyeol's skin, littering his chest and his shoulder and his neck with tiny fluttering kisses. His breathing quickens and he is muttering something under his breath, whispering words Chanyeol can't make out until Baekhyun's lips are right next to his ear.   
"I love you."  
Chanyeol freezes. He can't move, can't think. Baekhyun appears unfazed by this, he continues to press butterfly kisses all over Chanyeol's skin, whispering over and over "I love you. I love you. I love you so much." And Chanyeol just stands there. He doesn't respond, but he doesn't back away either. His arms are still wrapped around Baekhyun's waist and he can feel the other's body heat mix with his own and he just _can't think_. Baekhyun's whispers are becoming frantic, his breaths coming out quick and shallow, and he ends up with his arms draped around Chanyeol's neck, his face hiding in his shoulder, settling down at last.   
The silence weighs heavy on Chanyeol's shoulders and he has to do _something_ or he is going to freak out. Baekhyun's breath is warm and slow against his skin and Chanyeol thinks he is falling asleep. He considers his options and decides, if reluctantly, that he won't be able to carry Baekhyun all the way back to his room. Even if he could, he isn't sure he'd be able to make Baekhyun let him go, the other's arms around his neck still gripping him astoundingly tight. So he opts for his own bed instead, slowly walking them over and somehow managing to maneuver them both under the covers, his back against the wall and Baekhyun's face still buried in his chest. He takes a deep, shaky breath as he lets sleep wash over him, leaving the situation at hand for his future self to deal with.   
Chanyeol awakes with Baekhyun still in his arms. The first light of dawn is seeping in through the window and he finds that Baekhyun's arms have finally loosened around his neck. Before he can think it through, Chanyeol has swept Baekhyun up into his arms, carried him back to his room, and tucked him into bed. He isn't sure what he is expecting, but he gets the feeling that at least one of them would freak out if they were both awake in each other's arms, and he wants to avoid the drama. Surely this was a one time thing anyway. Yeah, he concludes with relief, this was a one time thing caused by a particularly bad nightmare, a nightmare that made Baekhyun delusional and confused, and it won't happen again. Chanyeol is sure of it.  
Chanyeol is so, so wrong.   
The next time it happens, Chanyeol is so sleepy that he doesn't question Baekhyun's actions. He moves on autopilot, holding Baekhyun close and mumbling soothing nothings into his hair until the other has calmed down, walking them to his bed and falling asleep with Baekhyun in his arms.   
He wakes up with the light of dawn again and carries Baekhyun back to his room. Before he realises, this has turned into a routine, Baekhyun knocking at his door almost every night, and Chanyeol tucking him into his own bed with the first light of the next morning.  
At first Chanyeol is too scared to talk about it. He is cautious around Baekhyun, trying to make out what's going on inside his head, but the other seems no different from usual. It's when he starts to question Baekhyun about the nights indirectly that he begins to understand.   
"Sleep well tonight?" he casually asks one morning, handing Baekhyun a cup of coffee.  
"Not really," Baekhyun groans, gratefully accepting the cup with a tired, half hearted smile.  
"Oh, I'm sorry. Nightmares?" Chanyeol offers carefully, his eyes never leaving Baekhyun's face as to catch even the slightest sign of recognition on the other's features. But Baekhyun looks entirely honest when he sighs "I don't know, probably," and takes a sip of his coffee. Chanyeol can't help but stare. Slowly, heavily, it is sinking in. _Baekhyun can't remember._  
Chanyeol doesn't know what to do with this information. Does he tell Baekhyun? Is that what he's supposed to do? But how does one even begin to bring up such a topic? Hey, I know you don't remember, but you're standing on my doorstep every night, hugging me like your life is depending on it, kissing me and telling me you love me, so uh, haha, wanna talk about it? Yeah. Most certainly not.  
So Chanyeol just kind of goes on like he has been doing. Holding Baekhyun every night, nursing him to sleep, and tucking him into bed every morning. During the day everything is normal, they act like the best friends they've always been. It's just during the night that Baekhyun turns into a desperate, trembling mess, confessing his love for Chanyeol over and over again and expecting nothing in return.  
Some nights are worse than others. Sometimes Baekhyun is crying and shaking and can barely hold himself up on his legs, and it takes hours for Chanyeol to calm him down. Other nights are calmer, more quiet. Just hushed breaths and whispered "I love you"s and desperate little touches.   
At some point Chanyeol just accepts these nightly encounters as a part of his reality.   
One morning, however, he doesn't wake up in time. It's Baekhyun who wakes first, finding himself in a place he didn't fall asleep in, without a clue as to how he got there. Finding himself in Chanyeol's bed, tightly wrapped in Chanyeol's arms. It's too much, too much at once. Baekhyun's heart races in panic and he scrambles to free himself from Chanyeol's grasp and get out of the bed. He startles Chanyeol awake in the process, who blinks at him in confusion before reality settles in and his eyes blow wide in shock. He reaches out instinctively, but before he can say anything, Baekhyun hisses.  
"What the fuck?!" he half whispers, half shouts as he stumbles and almost falls in his hurry to get out of Chanyeol's reach. He doesn't see the hurt in the other's eyes as he scrambles out of the room, his heart pounding with anxiety while he fails to make sense of it all.  
They don't talk about it. Baekhyun avoids Chanyeol for the rest of the day and when night comes and he is pounding against Chanyeol's door, trembling and crying his name, Chanyeol doesn't open.  
He is lying in bed, shaking and covering his ears with his hands, not noticing the tears that have started streaming down his face. "Go away. Just go away." He repeats the broken whisper over and over again like a mantra.  
Baekhyun wakes up on the floor, his back against Chanyeol's door and his head throbbing with a serious headache. His eyes are swollen and he rubs his sleeve over his face, not noticing the tear stains he is wiping in the process. It must still be early, the first light of dawn has only just begun to creep over the sky, tinting it dark grey instead of black. Baekhyun gets up and stumbles to his room, burying himself under numerous blankets as he crawls into bed. He is too tired and too scared to contemplate the meaning of the place he woke up in, and instead he goes back to sleep.  
This routine repeats itself for a few more days. Chanyeol doesn't open the door, Baekhyun wakes up on the floor in front of his room, and they don't talk about it. But it is getting harder with every passing night. Chanyeol's heart clenches painfully with the sheer despair in Baekhyun's voice and it's becoming more and more impossible to bear. Baekhyun's heart pounds with a little more anxiety with every new morning, and he is becoming more and more scared, without a clue to what's happening to him. But they don't talk about it. They have stopped talking altogether. It's surprisingly easy to avoid someone you share an apartment with, too easy to avoid talking to them or looking them in the eye.   
But it weighs heavy on both of them. It takes just one more night for Chanyeol to snap.   
He is out of bed before the first knock, and he rips the door open with more force than necessary. Baekhyun falls forward in surprise, tumbling into Chanyeol, and Chanyeol catches him. He wraps his arms around the smaller frame and buries his face in the crook of his neck. They're both trembling tonight.  
Baekhyun clutches at the back of Chanyeol's shirt and it doesn't take long before he is littering kisses over his chest, his shoulder, his neck, anywhere he can reach. "I love you," he breathes against Chanyeol's skin in between kisses. "I love you so much." This goes on for a couple of minutes, butterfly kisses and whispered "I love you"s, before Chanyeol lifts his face from Baekhyun's neck and nuzzles it into his hair instead. The action has Baekhyun stop what he's doing, breathing against Chanyeol's chest in anxious anticipation while he is still trembling. And then Chanyeol does something he has never done before. (Not that Baekhyun would know. But Chanyeol does.)  
He presses a soft kiss to the top of Baekhyun's head and whispers "I love you too."  
Baekhyun goes slack in his arms. It startles Chanyeol at first, but then he realises that Baekhyun has stopped trembling, that he has relaxed in an instant. The smaller man sighs into his chest and his breathing goes back to normal, losing the strain as it dissolves into slow, steady breaths that have a calming effect on Chanyeol as well.   
They stand like that for a while, just holding each other and breathing each other in, until Chanyeol is sure that Baekhyun has fallen asleep. He picks him up as carefully as he can and carries him back to his room, tucks him into bed with gentle hands and gentler eyes. He isn't sure what any of this means, but he is sure it means something.  
A new routine establishes itself the following nights. Chanyeol is at the door before Baekhyun has time to knock, pulling his trembling form into a steadying embrace, and as soon as the first "I love you" slips past Baekhyun's lips, Chanyeol says it back.  
Hearing the words "I love you too" from Chanyeol's mouth never fails to calm Baekhyun down instantly. Then they just stand there, holding each other close, until Baekhyun falls asleep and Chanyeol carries him back to bed. But Baekhyun still doesn't remember the next morning.   
As time goes by and the nights repeat, Chanyeol grows bolder. He presses multiple kisses to Baekhyun's hair, his forehead, sometimes even his cheek. And he repeats himself. "I love you too. I love you too. I love you too." Baekhyun in return starts being more responsive. He still calms down the instant he hears those words leave Chanyeol's lips, but he doesn't stay still anymore. He starts to mimic Chanyeol's actions, to repeat saying "I love you, I love you," just so he can keep hearing Chanyeol say it back. And he doesn't stop kissing him. His chest, his arms, his shoulders, his neck. But never his face. Never his lips. And Chanyeol is okay with that. He feels like it would be like overstepping some kind of invisible boundary, knowing that Baekhyun won't remember the next day.   
And still. Their words and their hands and their lips grow more desperate each night, clutching at each other and gasping "I love you"s and kissing, kissing, kissing, but never really _kissing_. And this is a new thing, Chanyeol finds, that's becoming impossible to bear. He's becoming addicted to Baekhyun in his arms and under his lips, and drinking him in every night slowly stops being enough. He finds himself stealing glances at Baekhyun's lips during the day, reaching out for him for no good reason, being drawn to him like a moth to the light. But he doesn't want to fuck this up. Never in his life has he less wanted to fuck something up.   
Things have gone back to normal during the day. Baekhyun feels safe now that he's been waking up in his own bed every morning, and he's acting like he used to again. Laughing at Chanyeol's jokes, teasing him, elbowing him in the ribs. Watching movies and eating together. Talking. About work and music and their favourite TV shows. Not about the nights. Because Baekhyun still doesn't remember them. But Chanyeol is so glad to have his best friend back that he doesn't dare to bring it up. A few nights later he has a different idea.   
"Baek."  
"I love you. I love you so much."  
"Baek."  
"I love you."  
"Baek-"  
"So much. I love you so much." Baekhyun isn't listening to him. He is kissing Chanyeol's shoulder, lips trailing up to his neck while his hands are roaming his back, and before he can try to interrupt him again, he breathes right next to his ear "Chanyeol."  
Chanyeol has never heard his name said in a voice like that before. Breathless, filled to the brink with pure adoration and trust. It has him shuddering under Baekhyun's touch, slowly detaching himself from the other's grip far enough that he can look into his eyes. His hands fly up from Baekhyun's waist to cup his cheeks, and his voice is hoarse and breathless when he replies "Baekhyun." The way Baekhyun looks up at him, eyes open like a lake with water so clear you can see the ground, so deep Chanyeol wants to drown himself in them, has him almost throw all his restraints out the window and kiss him on the lips. Almost. He lets out a shuddering breath and presses a kiss to Baekhyun's forehead instead. "Baek," he whispers, eyes closed and lips still against Baekhyun's skin, "Let's stay awake tonight."  
Baekhyun doesn't reply. But he also doesn't object when Chanyeol pulls him into the room, tugging him towards his bed. They shuffle around clumsily, never letting go of each other as Chanyeol props them up against the wall, Baekhyun in his lap with his arms around his neck.   
Once they're settled down, Chanyeol wraps his arms around Baekhyun's waist and buries his face into his shoulder. "Stay awake," he mumbles and Baekhyun hums in return. They stay like that for a while, until Chanyeol begins to doze off. This is too warm, too comfortable. He just wants fall asleep like this, with Baekhyun's warmth in his arms and- he jerks awake with a jolt of panic.  
"Baek?!" he asks, his voice full of alarm, "Baek, are you awake?"  
"Yeah," Baekhyun mumbles against his shoulder and Chanyeol heaves a breath of relief.  
"Let's get up, we're going to fall asleep if we stay in bed like this," he proposes while gently nudging his side.  
Baekhyun complies with a small "okay" and Chanyeol relocates them to the floor next to his desk. He leans his back against the wall and pulls Baekhyun against him, arms locking in front of his belly while his chin goes to rest on his shoulder. Baekhyun sighs and leans back into Chanyeol's touch, his arms falling over Chanyeol's as if to hold them in place.  
"Hey, Baek, you still awake?" he asks in a soft voice a few minutes later.  
"Yeah," comes the instant reply and Chanyeol presses a kiss to Baekhyun's shoulder and pulls him a tiny bit closer.

  
"Baek."  
"Hm."  
"You still awake?"  
"Yeah."

  
"Baek?"  
"Still awake."

  
"Baek..."  
"Hm?"  
"Still awake?"  
"Mhm."

  
"Baek? Awake?"  
"Mmh..."

  
"Baek."  
"..."

  
"Baek..."

  
Baekhyun wakes up feeling completely disorientated. It takes him a good minute to realise that he is not in his bed but on the floor in Chanyeol's room, with Chanyeol himself wrapped around him. The realisation floods his body with pure panic and a wave of nausea comes with it. He frees himself from Chanyeol's grasp like prey fleeing from a predator, and in his haste to get away from him he stumbles and falls before he even has the chance to get up. He spins around on the floor and scurries backwards, away from Chanyeol, while staring at him in pure horror. His sudden movement has startled Chanyeol awake and he is staring back at Baekhyun with eyes full of confusion. When comprehension slowly settles in, his expression transforms into one of equal horror.   
"No," he whispers, and then louder, "No, no, no, no, no. No!" He scrambles onto his knees and reaches out for Baekhyun, who jumps and retreats backwards until his back hits Chanyeol's bed. The expression in Chanyeol's eyes twists into pure despair. "Baek," he starts and his voice sounds all wrong, all broken, "Baek, I'm sorry, Baek, please-"  
But Baekhyun cuts him off, his tone colder and sharper than intended, but he is too scared to care. "What. What's going on." Chanyeol stares at him, his lips parted like he wants to speak, but they don't produce a single word.  
"What. Is. Going. On?!" He almost shouts the last word, and when Chanyeol doesn't reply, he pulls himself up to his feet and rushes out of the room. He ignores Chanyeol for the rest of the day and the look in the other's eyes breaks his heart. But he is so, so scared. Not being able to trust yourself, your own senses and memories, is terrifying. But Chanyeol has always been his rock, the one force strong enough to tie him to reality.  If he can't trust Chanyeol anymore, he can't trust anyone. He is completely, utterly lost.  
This night Baekhyun bangs against Chanyeol's door more urgently than he ever has before, and Chanyeol rips it open with the same amount of urgency. Baekhyun falls into his arms sobbing and shaking and even with the countless "I love you too"s and the tender kisses Chanyeol smothers all over his hair and his cheeks, it takes minutes for him to calm down.  
Chanyeol feels guilty, so utterly guilty for the relief that floods his veins as soon as Baekhyun is in his arms, held up only by Chanyeol's strength as his knees give in under the weight of his trembling body, but he can't help himself. He was so scared that it would all be over, so scared that he had lost Baekhyun for good this time. Baekhyun's nails digging into his back, the scent of his hair, and his frantic kisses and "I love you"s are reassurance that he can still fix this. That he can still fix them.  
Chanyeol holds Baekhyun close, drawing shapes on his back and pressing kisses into his hair, until Baekhyun has calmed down completely, his body still in his embrace. "Baek," he whispers tentatively, scared of startling the other, but Baekhyun simply nods against his chest. Chanyeol takes a deep breath. "Can I film this? Us? For you?"  
Silence stretches out between them and Chanyeol grows more anxious by the second. He is about to take it back when Baekhyun replies, in a small but clear voice, "Okay. Yeah. Please." Chanyeol lets out a shuddering breath before slowly detaching himself from Baekhyun, moving towards the shelf above his desk. He picks up the camera, positions it so it will capture them on the spot where Baekhyun is still standing, and presses the record button. He returns to Baekhyun slowly, with his arms stretched open as a silent invitation. He feels shy all of a sudden, insecure, and when Baekhyun falls against him and wraps him tightly in his arms, he almost has to laugh in relief. He lets himself melt into the embrace for a second, his arms tightening around Baekhyun's waist and his face hiding in the crook of his neck, before he lifts his head to speak. "Can you say that again?" he pleads softly. "That it's okay to film this?"  
"It's okay," Baekhyun repeats in a heartbeat and Chanyeol hopes it's loud enough for the camera to pick up.   
Baekhyun wakes up feeling groggy and exhausted. He scoffs bitterly at the thought that at least he woke up in his own bed today. His head is killing him. He frees himself from his blankets and trots over to his desk to rummage the drawers for painkillers. He finds some in the second drawer and gulps them down with the bottle of stale coke still standing on the desk. Groaning, he sinks onto his desk chair and puts his head in his hands. He sits like that until the headache starts to subside. When he looks up to check the time - it's already past 12pm, yet he feels like he barely got any sleep at all - his eyes catch on something that he doesn't remember putting on his desk. Not that that would usually mean anything, considering how his memory resembles a sieve lately, but the objects look utterly unfamiliar. It's a USB stick, right next to a bright green sticky note. The shaky handwriting on it reads "I asked you if it's okay to film this. You said yes." That's all it says. Baekhyun blinks at the note, reads it a few times over, and can't make more sense of it than the first time. Finally he decides to investigate the USB stick. He reaches for his laptop, unceremoniously shoves the mess on his desk to the side and plugs the USB stick into the port. He waits anxiously for his laptop to start up, anticipation building with every second he spends staring at the screen, and when it's finally done he clicks on the icon of the USB stick almost breathlessly. The window with the device's contents opens after a moment and Baekhyun stares at it. There's just a single file on it, a video, titled after the time it was recorded. It's from last night. He holds his breath, the cursor hovering over the video file for just a second before he opens it.  
Baekhyun stares at himself, standing completely still in the doorframe of Chanyeol's room, watching something he can't see on the screen. Then Chanyeol comes into view, walking slowly towards the Baekhyun on the screen, arms outstretched like a question. Baekhyun's breath hitches when he watches himself practically jump into Chanyeol's arms, clutching him tight and pressing himself into his body. Chanyeol visibly relaxes in his embrace, tension falling out of his shoulders as he returns it and buries his face into Baekhyun's neck. Baekhyun feels his face go warm, his heartbeat pick up, and his lips open in silent wonder, but he barely registers it. He can only watch as Chanyeol lifts his head, revealing on-screen-Baekhyun's face, and the look in his own eyes scares and reassures him more than anything else ever has.  
Chanyeol asks something then, and Baekhyun has to turn up the volume and rewind the video to understand his question. "Can you say that again? That it's okay to film this?"  
His reply comes instantly and Baekhyun finds himself staring directly into his own eyes as his on-screen-self says "It's okay."  
He has to pause the video and take a few deep breaths to steady himself. The Baekhyun on the video is staring right at him the whole time. Well, right at the camera.   
He doesn't remember any of this, but the simple gesture shows him that he _wanted to._    
Baekhyun takes another deep breath, gulps down the rest of the stale coke and resumes the video. It turns out that nothing much more happens really, it's just him and Chanyeol hugging, although it looks like they're clinging onto each other for dear life. And then, after a while, Chanyeol moves, carefully detangling their limbs before picking Baekhyun up, gently, and the sight pulls at Baekhyun's heart. It appears that he has fallen asleep in Chanyeol's arms. Chanyeol carries him out of the room and returns a moment later, alone. He walks up to the camera with his head down and it occurs to Baekhyun that he hasn't seen his face once during the entire video. Just as the thought crosses his mind, Chanyeol lifts his head, and the expression on his face is one of such desperate, infinite sadness that it knocks the breath out of Baekhyun's lungs. A second later the video ends with a click and Baekhyun is left blankly staring at the empty screen. He doesn't know how long he has been sitting there without moving, and it's only when he does that he realises he is crying. He quickly wipes his face with his sleeve and shakes his head to clear it. He is about to pull the USB stick out of the port when he hesitates. He removes the stick a moment later, the video safely copied onto his desktop.  
Baekhyun is still avoiding talking to him today, but at least he isn't dreading being in the same room anymore. Chanyeol can't help but steal glances at him every few minutes, anxiety and curiosity mixing into a constant state of restlessness. Has he found the USB stick? Has he seen the video? What is going on inside his head?  
There's one time when Chanyeol glances at Baekhyun and their eyes meet. Baekhyun holds his gaze for a mere second before quickly looking away, but it's enough for Chanyeol's heart to jump into his throat and pound so loudly that he is sure Baekhyun can hear it. It doesn't happen again after that, but it's too late. The tiny seed of hope it has planted in Chanyeol's heart has already begun to grow.   
When Chanyeol gets out of the bathroom all the lights are off and Baekhyun has retreated into his room. He sighs and wanders into his own room. Nothing happened after that brief moment of looking each other in the eyes, and honestly, he doesn't know what he expected, but it still hurts. He can't help but glance over at the camera on his shelf. Useless. He's about to turn away and go to bed when something bright green flashes at him from the corner of his eye. He turns back towards his desk and dumbly stares at the sticky note for a good minute. When he finally gets out of his daze he hurries towards it, ripping it from his desk and reading the note scribbled onto it in a haste. He reads it and then reads it again, and just one more time for good measure, before his hands sink down and he stares blankly at the wall.  
"Do that again. You don't have to ask this time. Just film everything."  
His eyes wander down to the surface of his desk and there, next to where the sticky note has been, lies the USB stick. He takes a deep breath. This is his chance. He can do this.  
Chanyeol jumps out of bed as soon as he hears Baekhyun's footsteps in the living room. He has been awake this whole time, way too alert to fall asleep. The camera is already in position on his shelf, all he has to do is press the button to record. He stares straight into the lense for a second and then Baekhyun is in front of his door. He rips it open, determined to act exactly like he would if the camera wasn't there, and he finds that it's ridiculously easy to forget everything around them when Baekhyun flies into his arms. He is trembling and crying tonight and Chanyeol does his best to wipe his tears while Baekhyun grips at his shirt and presses himself into him.  
"Shh," he mumbles, and then Baekhyun is kissing him, lips dancing over his collarbone as he whispers breathlessly, again and again, "I love you. I love you so much. Chanyeol. I love you."  
He holds Baekhyun close, closer, one hand in his hair as he kisses his forehead, his temple, the top of his head. "I love you too," he whispers, and Baekhyun stops trembling, relaxing in his arms. "I love you too."   
Baekhyun keeps kissing him everywhere he can reach and Chanyeol keeps nuzzling his hair and his neck and kissing him there, and they're both so desperate for each other it almost hurts. They can't get close enough to each other, always pressing closer, pressing for more, as if their ultimate goal is to dissolve into each other. At some point they stop moving, just holding each other, their bodies so entangled that it's impossible to tell where one ends and the other begins. Baekhyun falls asleep like that and Chanyeol holds him for a little while longer. He wants nothing more than to stay like this, but he knows better than to screw things up now. With a sigh and a last peck to Baekhyun's hair he picks him up and carries him to bed. When he returns to his room and walks up to the camera, he looks into the lense for a long moment before ending the recording.   
He takes the camera down from its shelf, connects it to his laptop and plugs the USB stick in. His heart falls a little when he sees that it's empty, but it doesn't have to mean anything, he tells himself. Baekhyun wants him to do this. So he copies the video onto the USB stick, deletes it from the camera, and grabs a sticky note. He stares at it blankly for a while, but he can't think of anything to write. He ends up placing the empty sticky note on Baekhyun's desk along with the USB stick so it will be easier to notice and goes to bed.  
Baekhyun wakes up with a headache, again, but he is almost used to it now. He doesn't bother with painkillers and instead searches his desk with a pounding heart. There, behind his laptop, is the familiar flash of green, but as he scrambles to read the note there's nothing there. He isn't sure what to think of this, isn't sure what it means, but he doesn't waste his time pondering about it. Chewing his lip nervously, he plugs the USB stick into his laptop and opens it. He shut his laptop without turning it off the other day, so it doesn't take long before he is staring at another video file, cursor hovering over it as he takes a deep breath. It catches in his throat when he opens the video and is met eye to eye with Chanyeol staring into the camera with an unreadable expression on his face. Baekhyun forgets to breathe. Then there's a knock at the door, clumsy and urgent, and Chanyeol rushes over to it, rips it open to reveal Baekhyun's tear stained face. They're wrapped in each other's arms in the blink of an eye and Baekhyun's eyes widen, mouth agape, when he watches himself litter kisses all over Chanyeol's collarbone. His heart stops when he manages to make out the words he is frantically whispering into Chanyeol's skin. And it comes back thundering with double the force when he hears Chanyeol's reply. He watches the rest of the video with tears gathering in his eyes and he wipes angrily at them every now and then. They're blurring his vision and he doesn't want to miss a single second of the scene playing out in front of him. Chanyeol keeps kissing and nuzzling his hair and his neck and the way he holds him, with such infinite care and gentleness, makes Baekhyun's heart ache. He finds himself longing for the touch, and seeing the way he responds to it on the screen isn't helping.  
The video ends with Chanyeol staring right into his eyes again and there seems to be something on his mind that he tries to convey with just this look on his face. It's like a silent plea and it breaks Baekhyun's heart.   
The video ends with a soft click and Baekhyun needs a moment to collect himself. Then he watches the video again. And again.   
He moves to his bed to watch it another time, curled up under his mountain of blankets, and maybe he falls asleep for a while or maybe he just lays there staring into nothing, but when he gets up and checks the time it's already past 7pm.  
He takes a shaky breath, clenches his hands into fists to keep them from trembling, and walks over to Chanyeol's room.  
Chanyeol jumps in his seat when he hears the hesitant knock at the door. He has been restlessly wandering around the apartment the whole day and spent the last thirty minutes sitting at his desk, staring at nothing in particular. His heart pounds in his throat and he gulps in an attempt to calm his nerves. He walks over to the door slowly and his hand rests on the doorknob for a moment as he braces himself. Then he swings it open in one swift motion and is met with Baekhyun's dishevelled figure, hand still raised to knock a second time and face splotchy and red from crying. And he is beautiful, and Chanyeol isn't sure if he is still breathing or if his heart is still beating and he doesn't care. They stare at each other for what feels like eternity and the blink of an eye all at once, and then Baekhyun throws himself at him. He is clutching at him as desperately as if this were the middle of the night and Chanyeol responds on instinct. He wraps his arms around Baekhyun's trembling body, buries his face into his hair and gently sways them back and forth, humming silently until Baekhyun has calmed down enough to speak.   
"Chanyeol," he whispers and his voice breaks halfway through and Chanyeol's heart with it. "Did you mean it?"  
Chanyeol only stares down at him in incomprehension, so he tries again, voice hoarse and shaky, but determined.  
"Did you mean what you said? To me? Did you mean it? Because I know I meant what I said, even if I don't remember it, I know I meant it and if you only said what you said to calm me down, if you didn't really mean it then I don't know-"  
"Baek." Chanyeol interrupts him with a calm voice and serious eyes and he stops his rambling at once. He stares up at Chanyeol with fear closing up his throat and all he can do is wait.   
"Baek," Chanyeol repeats in the same serious tone, his voice just a tad bit softer, and then- "I love you."  
Baekhyun's world crumbles around him and all he can see is Chanyeol. Chanyeol, who cups his face with his hands and stares into Baekhyun's eyes and then says it again. And again.   
"I love you. I love you so much. Baekhyun. I love you. _I love you._ Okay?"  
And Baekhyun feels like it's the first breath of a drowning man when he inhales Chanyeol's words and he whispers, his voice barely audible, "okay."  
And that's all Chanyeol needs. He strokes Baekhyun's cheek with his thumb and leans down and then finally, finally, kisses him on the lips. It's slow at first, gentle and shy, and it takes Baekhyun wrapping his arms around Chanyeol's neck and standing on his tippy toes to break the other's trance. Chanyeol gasps against Baekhyun's mouth, hands flying from his face to his waist, encircling him in his arms so tightly he has trouble breathing, and he almost lifts him off the ground as he pulls him closer and opens his mouth.   
They kiss until they're gasping for air and Baekhyun laughs, _laughs_ , and whispers breathlessly against Chanyeol's lips, "I love you too."

**Author's Note:**

> i wrote this five months ago and i haven't published anything in three years and im nervous omg. but feedback is greatly appreciated! thank you so much for reading! ♥


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